Myth 1 – When you fall in love, nothing else matters.

When you fall in love, do you forget about everyone else in your life?  After sitting around the house every Saturday night or worse – going out looking for someone to date every weekend, you’re entitles to drop everyone else in your life to date this kind soul, right?

One of the problems with this is it puts too much value on the date and the relationship.  Giving any man, or person, all your time and energy puts him in a position of power and control.  You have isolated yourself from your friends and are on the path to dependency.

Myth 2 - Love means never having to say you are sorry.

On the contrary, the ability to say you’re sorry, admit fault, and recognize your mistakes creates the foundation for a strong, healthy relationship.  Without apologies, small annoyances build up to a large explosion.

Imagine that:

-          you accidentally stepped on your partner’s toe with your hiking boots; or

-          you arrive 30 minutes late for a date; or

-          you accidentally spill your coke on his new sweater.

No need to say you are sorry?

Myth 3 – He wouldn’t get so jealous if he didn’t really love me.

Jealousy and love are two of those feelings that intertwine in unsuspected ways.  It’s what we do with the jealousy and how real the threat is that separates it from destructive acts.

When a man uses jealousy as a weapon in a relationship, he blames it on his love for the woman:

-          If I didn’t love you so much, I wouldn’t get so jealous.

-          I couldn’t live without you.

-          I can’t bear the thought of you even talking to another man.

What’s left unsaid is that he is unsure of himself, insecure of his own feelings, and mistrustful

If he really loves you, he won’t try to control you through jealousy.

Myth 4 – Dating someone is better than dating no one.

Do you go out with someone just to have a date for Friday night?

Do you find yourself settling for less just to be out with a man?

Why?  It is important to remember that you don’t have to date someone to be someone.

Myth 5 – You’re nobody ‘till somebody loves you.

We all need the love of someone; but that doesn’t mean we have to take it to the extremes of looking for love from just anyone.  We do need someone to love us, and that begins with ourselves.

In order to choose healthy love relationships over unhealthy love relationships, we need to feel good about and love ourselves.

Myth Six – You always hurt the one you love.

You need to wear a pretty thick shell not to be hurt by the one who loves you.  An unkind word spoken in anger, a misunderstanding, a forgotten commitment, or any number of things hurt in a relationship.  Many of these are unintentional, unavoidable and forgivable after a little remorse on the part of the offender.

A solid healthy relationship can never be sustained with pain and hurt as an element.  Instead, it must be supported by the mutual theme, “You never hurt the one you love.”

Myth Seven - He wouldn’t hit me if he didn’t love me.

Men keep this myth alive when they attempt to apologize for their behavior with, “It’s because I love you that I get so mad!” or “If I didn’t love you so much, I wouldn’t get so crazy.”  What he has done is turn the blame of the violence from himself to the woman.

When he appears sorry, cries, or shows signs of regret, it serves to reinforce his love for us.  For many women, however, this is just the beginning of what will become an ongoing abusive relationship and possibly and abusive marriage.

Myth Eight – He needs me.

This is also known as “I can change him”.  We often fool ourselves into thinking that we will change our partner’s “bad habits”.

If he drinks too much, slaps us around, uses drugs – whatever it is – we’ll “get him to stop.”  And because we believe that we can do it, we reinforce the notion that “He needs me to be the better person.”

For some women, they simply want to change some of his annoying behaviors:

-          He often forgets to show up for a date.

-          He puts you down in public.

-          He pushes you around and sometimes hits you.

Does he  need you in order to stop these behaviors?  Can you change him?  No.  But you can tell him what you think and what you feel.  If he cares about you and the relationship, he can decide to change.

Taken from Warning!  Dating May Be Hazardous to your Health!  By Claudette McShane